Lying Bastards

So I take my happy ass on down to my doctor's office so she can look at my toe (had to do three months of Lamisil due to a fungus...oh yay) which I KNOW the medicine has not cleared up.

She looks at it and says, "Looks like we'll have to remove the toenail". I kind of thought they would, I just hadn't expected her to say, "We'll do this today."

So in comes Nurse Ratchett with her needles of death and bottle of numbing spray shit and offered to recline the seat so I didn't have to watch her or the doctor while they tortured me. So she tells me she's going to spray my toe (note that at this time I'm feeling woozy at the sight of those needles....yes ladies and gentlemen the girl who has 5 tattoos is not crazy about needles, can we say 'fucked up in the head') and warns me that it will be cold. Cold doesn't even begin to describe this stuff, it was fucking glacial. Unfortunately it didn't do near enough to numb me up for the needle. If you've never had a needle stuck into your big toe (by the knuckle) DON'T FUCKING DO IT. It hurts. The bitch stuck me about six times, and before each stick she sprayed the cold shit on it. Well it finally numbed up and then it took about five minutes before the doctor (a different one) came in to remove my toenail. He offered to put the seat back in its upright position (apparently he moonlights as a flight attendant) and I seriously thought about offering to stick my other foot up his ass if he did. But I was able to control myself and politely declined. It was actually over pretty quickly. After he was done he wrapped my toe with a shitload of gauze and then thought it would be cute to put the blue spongy tape stuff (you know the stuff they use when they take blood) so it would match my blue jeans (apparently he also moonlights as one of the Queer Eye guys).

So I ask him if it will hurt when the anesthetic wears off. He said, "No, it might be sore, but there won't be any pain." So I take my happy ass out of the office and head over to Fry's (like Vons or Raley's) to fill my new prescription for Lamisil and to pick up Epsom Salt as well as bandaids and gauze since I will have to soak my toe twice a day for 10-15 minutes for the next two weeks. Then pick up dinner and come home.

Well I'm sitting down eating my Subway sandwich when I feel this throbbing pain. It's my fucking toe. It throbs and it hurts and those lying bastards let me believe it wouldn't be anything a few Tylenol or Motrin couldn't handle.

All I can say is that it's a good thing I still have some Vicodin leftover from my Endometrial Ablation.

Oh, and in case you're wondering.....YES, that is a picture of my big fucking blue toe.

FUCKERS!!!